Walking Uphill Thru Quicksand

Surviving 25 years of constant delusions where my mind kept trying to murder me but realized that it needed my body as it’s vehicle. My Problems weren’t attempting to kill me, though my Solutions WERE, and that, my friends, is a SILLY DILEMMA. I swear, sometimes it seems I am almost content with ditching forming any human relationships, friendships or intimate (which I have a dismal track record.) Selfish, tired, and lazy interactions feel like too much bother. Anyway, no matter how good intentioned people are, they will ultimately fail you. No one is perfect. Of course, the common equation is ME in human formulations, therefore the problem must lie with me, and I get worn down. If Someone could tell me how to successfully have a sick relationship, they would have by now. I realize that’s impossible. I get content making nonsensical sounds, call it music. I’m not a famous person, or genius, and yes I am a lunatic-though the descriptor is not meant as any slight- who enjoys making sounds that no one hears, and I am cool with that. Damn! It’s IMPOSSIBLE to AVOID Humans, THEY ARE EVERYWHERE! (sheee-it). There was an occasional stop at ye old psych ward, back in the day, when the Psych Techs Were Not “Skilled Professionals” who monitored my behavior. NO! They were flunkies who could have better served me burgers and fries at McDonald’s, and EVEN THAT, would have been a QUESTIONABLE ABILITY for them to achieve…. Therapist says, “Here, take this axe handle and take your frustrations out on this soft, feather pillow.” (and you know what happens next) POOF! 🙂 If I sit quietly and still enough with no tv, internet, music, anything, and just listen with no clutter filling this lil head of mine, I understand, it is not an issue of Human Beings (note the noun), rather, IT IS ME WHO IS A HUMAN WHO FEELS BETTER JUST BEING! We are Human’s that are Just Bein’.. ah the gratitude and blessing of it all.. living thru literal madness and coming through to the other side.. for the Universe’s sake I was delivered from it all, and I still participate in life, still try to work it out. 🙂 Perhaps I am not so tired, no longer, “Walking Uphill Thru Quicksand.”

Categories: Manic Beatnik Riffing

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