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  1. These totally have the (hint of) swirly early Van Gogh- when he was still in art school with some of the greats of the time and working more on his monochromatic palette. (Chocolate browns, olive greens, smoky greys and so on.) He’s my favourite artist, by the way. ;0) I share many common bonds with him and I bet you do too. I’m no stranger to the inside of a psych. ward; let’s just say I’ve done my time, a time or six. But also, much like Van Gogh- I didn’t explode with colour until after I cracked wide open. It just needed a bigger place to go through I’m guessing! Don’t ever be afraid to show your colours. Others have a cool box of 8 crayons. You have 64. Celebrate! x Great piece, by the way.

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  2. These totally have the (hint of) swirly early Van Gogh work- when he was still in art school with some of the greats of the time and working more on his monochromatic palette. (Chocolate browns, olive greens, smoky greys and so on.) He’s my favourite artist, by the way. ;0) I share many common bonds with him and I bet you do too. I’m no stranger to the inside of a psych. ward; let’s just say I’ve done my time, a time or six. But also, much like Van Gogh- I didn’t explode with colour until after I cracked wide open. It just needed a bigger place to go through I’m guessing! Don’t ever be afraid to show your colours. Others have a cool box of 8 crayons. You have 64. Celebrate! x Great piece, by the way.

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    • Wow, my curiosity is peaked!!! With you being a fellow Hoosier and Blooming-tone-ion. I am glad that you can see
      that I am trying to expand to monochrome palette, of course with a name as yours, it would be scary if you didn’t see it.
      Yeah, I want so badly to improve my technique and proficiency. Um, I make these marks, that look like a chicken scratch,
      as if a chicken dipped it’s foot in ink and hits the page. I am trying to hide it, and/or hold the pencil a different way,
      be more fluid with it. I liked Picasso at one time, Matisse, Kathe Kollwitz,Ingres, Rubens, Chagall, Schiele, um my friend
      Teresa Fischer. I get compared to the German Expressionists, tho, I never really tried to cop that style. I like the “Fauves”
      the wild beasts, as they were, for their vibrant colors. I can honestly say, that my mental condition is stable right now, not symptomatic.
      It is as if I was born into/over the Edge of Sanity, never really had it very often. So to be able to live, sanely, is new to me. I will show
      the colors again, but I am striving to learn the ways of realism, so that I may better break the RULES…( hey, if ya wanna send me email it is
      ted.giffin@yahoo.com) or I could send you some as I have your email here…Curious to your identity..take care!!! (oh yeah gonna rehit your site)

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      • Well, my newfound friend and fellow ward-mate, understand that what you have is a GIFT. For not everybody is blessed with technicolour. We know that it can wear us out, sure. It can get really REALLY old. And when I was first introduced to sanity (about 5 years ago)- I still had one good crack left in me and it was a doozy. Mute, catatonic, dribble and all. Believe me when I say, I have not only seen but have surely been to other worlds: there’s no pot of gold at the end of the rainbow: only hell’s gates. It’s really easy to trip and fall into them too! Not fun.

        But hey. Here I am today. Completely medication free- no alcohol or self-medicating drugs (such as my beloved poppies)- no cigarettes. Only LIFE. Fast and furious- just like I like it!

        And, for all of the people that used to tell me that I’d need medication for life, and that I’d never be “normal”- I can now- with a bright, whole and sound mind- agree with them 50%. They’re right. I’ll never be normal. THANK GOD.

        I’m now preparing to go into my 5th year of studying psychology- Dean’s List. 😉 After I wrap up my bachelor’s in psych. ; I’ll be moving on to my Master’s in Forensic Psychology. I have a thing for serial killers. And, will probably be getting close to more than a few of them in my future career. (I’ve been an armchair profiler for more than 30 years now.)

        But my point in all of this is to say- be thankful for your battle. It’s the battle that slays us- but if you endure- and HUG THE MONSTER- the fear will die and you’ll see that the bastard- all along- was just a mouse with a sheet and a flamethrower. And then the veil is lifted and you’ll see that it’s the battle that gives us wings to fly where others cannot.

        It is a gift. I promise. x

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      • Yes it is a gift!! This evening, I have been praying for true humility. Not some sort of bashing of one’s ego, like I am the absolute worst on the
        planet, or I am the greatest thing since sliced bread or a bag of chips or all that…true humility..the balance somewhere between the two extremes.
        I am on medication, and take it properly. I accept the fact that I have a thought and mood disorder, to deny that as my truth, could let a monster
        out of the bag, so to speak.. It is not some doctor, or family that came to that conclusion. It is from my own perception and experience led me to that.
        I am so happy for you that your life is has done a huge turnaround…. All the degrees, and the book, and accolades. I, as well, have 5 years clean and sober. I smoke
        a pack of cigs a day, ( tho i do not waste tons of money on them). Moderate on caffeine.. I love the whole mouse analogy. I can’t watch any of those serial killer shows
        or forensic shows. I have fallen into the trap of being armchair psychiatrist. A lot of folks do who had to deal with all that…Kinda pissed off that the DSVM-4 is gone..
        hell, I knew bunches of criteria..I think it is funny that lots of the doctors do not even accept DSVM-5… For me, it as if I lived in some deranged other world, used
        it as fodder for creativity, it was HELL and I DO NOT RECOMMEND PEOPLE GO THERE as is GLAMORIZED. I am grateful, and I guess one of Martin Luther King Junior’s kids said,
        ” Everyone loses people and things, life is tough..But be thankful for what you have left.” Somehow , that makes a lot of sense..take care

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      • Oh I completely agree with you, Ted. Five years ago, I still had some serious issues that I couldn’t conquer without Klonopin, Depakote (etc.) and I highly recommend that you continue taking your meds for as long as you need them. That may be “forever”- that’s something that we each must face and accept going in, you know? But that acceptance is also what helps with the (possible) letting go process. I was so far gone that I’m surprised that I’ve completely reconditioned my brain (through my studies and training) that I no longer need it- and I don’t. Because for me, it wasn’t a physiological chemical imbalance; I was molested by an adult at 9 years old (big shocker, eh?) and so that emotional shrapnel had done a number on me. I just needed to learn, a mature woman, to go back into those locked doors, and talk to that broken little girl- but this time as a semi-psychologist; give her a sandwich and a blanket and let her know she’s gonna make it. ;0) It was so healing, and so by putting into practice what I’ve learned in my psych. training (and I too have half a lifetime on the ugly side of the psych. couch) I was able to heal my mind also.

        I think you said it perfectly when you said we glamorize our diseases at first. It’s like a sick courtship. We hate it- we love it. We hate it- we love it. And I liken it to a beautiful girl, who on a sinking ship cannot pull herself away from her own image in a mirror, of her black,messy mascara running down her face as she cries, saying, “It’s so beautiful!” -and cannot pull herself away long enough to save her own life even.

        I think it’s wonderful that you’re praying for humility. I do as well. :0) We have to, eh? For me, my faith comes in to play too, because I believe all of the stories I’ve read about Jesus healing people- according to each person’s own faith- that’s the important part. If the person didn’t believe- all of Jesus’ healing miraculous would have been almost useless. They had to believe for it to take effect! And He would say,”So as ye believe, be ye healed.”

        I’ve met alot of people like us over the years who go to their therapy, doctors, etc., but they have faith that they will ever get better or be whole again. Shoot, that was me only 5 years ago! I was told I’d have to take medicine for the rest of my life,and for more than ,20 years, I believed it. But more and more, I started thinking about Jesus’ words. They changed me- completely- and so yes. I each person’s journey is subjective, you know?Each person must decide just what route to take and to what measure. I do think it’s wise for you to continue on with your medicine though. There’s no shame in that whatsoever. 🙂

        Oh, and one last thing- while I’m on the subject! I’ll share this with you. I was feeling particularly defeated in all of my battles one day. God spoke to my heart and reminded me of these scriptures:

        I Samuel 6-8

        6 The Lord killeth, and maketh alive: he bringeth down to the grave, and bringeth up.

        7 The Lord maketh poor, and maketh rich: he bringeth low, and lifteth up.

        8 He raiseth up the poor out of the dust, and lifteth up the beggar from the dunghill, to set them among princes, and to make them inherit the throne of glory: for the pillars of the earth are the Lord’s, and he hath set the world upon them.

        He kills and makes alive again. <<<<<< And I thought of my former identity being destroyed-and God creating a whole NEW one in me. It's changed my life.

        Anywho, must run. But it's been great chatting with you! Do continue on with your incredible art and I look forward to seeing more of your work. 🙂

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      • This glamour idea is true on a societal level as well as the individual. I believe that is only the product of the 20th Century (perhaps a also in the late 19th century). I cite examples of the “crazy” artist/musicians who derange their senses like Rimbaud,Baudelaire, and the host of folks like Hendrix, Cobain, Morrison, and on and on. There was a book entitled, “Born under Saturn”, which had a premise that suicide among artists was little to non-existent until the 1900’s. There is a lot on nonsense that kids are bombarded with, such as LSD and other hallucinogens are good for creativity. Hallucinating is not fun or cool, plus I am not sure if people realize the possibility of them never stopping.
        I read your history on the bio page of your website. I have had tragedy as a child too, tho not as devastating as yours. My mom passed away when I was 5yrs old. I believe the trauma of that damaged my mind as it developed. I believe it is good for all folks to clean house of the past, and embrace the itty bitty kid in them. I have said this elsewhere, I want to play music and make art like a little kid, it is called Playing Music for a Reason, and harness the fun as an adult.
        I guess what I say on a spiritual level, is I have discovered what my will is and what flaws lie within it. I realize that ted’s will does not work. It is advisable that I snap out of that self-centered-ness, try to understand and do God’s will…. to help others.. To know, that it is all in a plan..to walk a new path in life…That all will be okay…Thank you for the scripture!!!

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