Writing to figure this out. How can I explain, that line in space, that delineates reality,
the real agreed upon state of mind amongst people versus “going over the edge” insanity, the blur.
It seems hard to translate.
In general most folks know when they are dreaming.
They wake and maybe for a few minutes upon opening their eyes
become disorientated, believing what they dreamt – flying; lucid dreams where
they direct their own movie-
was real.
Then they go on with their day and forget all about it.
Seems like a common experience.
Perhaps, every so often, in mid-afternoon, they recall images in their mind
of the sleep state.
Ask , what if, what IF, what if that was real?
Wait! this, that was REAL!
And being so confused, set upon heavy contemplation on the subject,
Making more up, elaborating to the extent that it becomes a screenplay,
that is as REAL as burning one’s hand on a kitchen stove with all the
emotional and physical pain that comes with it.
One finds a mind careening unable to stop this fiction.
Creating thoughts of fear, absolute paranoia.
The blended fuzzy edge.
You realize that you exist.
Others exist
who try relentlessly to explain to you that you are delusional,
hanging onto a false belief. You were only asleep, dreaming, only a nightmare.
Holding tight and strong, you get defensive,
trying to convince anyone who may listen of
your home-made terror. Backing the argument with loosely corroborated
facts and clues that only sound convoluted.
When confronted with true logic,
You become enraged.
Anyone trying to help gets caught in a web, gets enveloped,
gets incorporated into the play, becomes a target, lightning rod
upon to dump blame shame and guilt.
Havoc is wrought on those lives,
For one cannot speak reason to the insane.
This is how
Dreams, Reality, and Delusions
float back and forth from each other.
The victim just floating, not knowing,
where in the pool of consciousness one resides.
It is constant shock, endless panic.
The longer one is lost, the harder it is to come back,
if there is even a way,
to make it “home” safely to the shared reality of all humans.
If you should buy in to the trip again,
the psychotic adventure is longer in length
and the chances of a semblance of sanity becomes weaker and
slimmer upon return.
There is nothing glamorous, genius, fun, or alluring to
about having a derangement of the senses.
I suggest that one not buy a ticket to ride on that train
if it is at all possible. I know that it is not a choice at all for most
sufferers. I have known many who choose suicide after a long extended journey
saying,
“Okay, I have had enough.”
In my experience, the ones who truly want to die,
will not be prevented from that end.
Some advice that I can dispense,
from my experiences in the throes of mental illness,
to active sufferers is
No Matter What Reality You Are In
– a Dream, A Delusion, or any Variety of Hallucinations,
skipping to and fro-
There is only ONE RULE
NO ONE GETS HURT,
ALLOW NO ONE TO GET HURT
(this includes yourself).